5 Signs You're Not Lazy, You're Overwhelmed (And How to Tell the Difference)signs you're overwhelmed

Hey beautiful,

I need to tell you something that might just change how you see yourself forever. Last week, my friend Sarah called me crying because she'd spent another entire day "doing nothing" on the couch, scrolling her phone while her to-do list grew longer. She kept calling herself lazy, worthless, a failure.

I stopped her right there.

"Sarah," I said, "when's the last time you actually did nothing?"

Silence. Because here's the truth we don't talk about enough: what looks like laziness is often your nervous system screaming for help. You're not broken, unmotivated, or lacking willpower. You might just be overwhelmed, and your brain is protecting you the only way it knows how.

Let me share the signs I wish someone had told me about years ago, back when I was calling myself every mean name in the book.

Sign #1: You Feel Paralyzed by Simple Decisions

Does choosing what to have for lunch feel like climbing Mount Everest? Do you stand in Target for twenty minutes trying to pick between two identical notebooks? This isn't laziness – this is decision fatigue, and it's your brain's way of saying "I'm maxed out."

When we're overwhelmed, our cognitive load is already at capacity. Every decision, no matter how small, feels monumental because your mental resources are depleted. That's why you can spend three hours researching the "perfect" face wash instead of just buying one and moving on.

What helps: Start with the tiniest decisions first. Pick the first reasonable option instead of the perfect one. I started setting a timer for decision-making – two minutes for small choices, ten minutes for bigger ones. It was life-changing.

Sign #2: You're Productive at Everything Except Your Priorities

This one hits close to home. You'll deep-clean your baseboards, organize your entire photo library, and learn TikTok dances, but that important work project? The one that actually matters? Suddenly you're "too lazy" to touch it.

This isn't laziness – it's overwhelm disguised as productivity. When something feels too big or scary, our brains trick us into doing busy work instead. It's like your nervous system is saying, "Let's do ALL the safe things so we don't have to face the scary thing."

What helps: Break that big scary task into the smallest possible steps. Not "write the report" but "open a Google doc." Not "apply for jobs" but "update one line on your resume." Progress over perfection, always.

Sign #3: You Have Energy for Others But None for Yourself

You'll help your friend move apartments, babysit your nephew, and stay up all night supporting someone through a breakup. But taking care of your own needs? Suddenly you're "too tired" or "too lazy."

This is classic overwhelm behavior. When we're stretched thin, we often give away our last drops of energy to others while neglecting ourselves. It's not laziness – it's misplaced priorities driven by overwhelm and possibly some people-pleasing patterns.

What helps: Start treating yourself like someone you love. Seriously. Would you tell your best friend she's lazy for needing rest? Set boundaries around your energy. Say no to requests that drain you. Your needs matter just as much as everyone else's.

Sign #4: You Swing Between All-or-Nothing Extremes

One week you're a productivity machine, crushing goals and feeling unstoppable. The next week, you can barely brush your teeth without feeling exhausted. Sound familiar?

This boom-bust cycle isn't laziness – it's unsustainable energy management. When we're overwhelmed, we often push ourselves too hard during "productive" phases, then crash completely. Your body literally forces you to rest because you won't do it voluntarily.

What helps: Aim for sustainable daily habits instead of heroic bursts. I'd rather you do something small every day than burn out trying to do everything at once. Think marathon pace, not sprint speed.

Sign #5: You Feel Guilty About Rest But Can't Seem to "Get Going"

This is the cruelest part of overwhelm – you desperately need rest, but you feel guilty about taking it. So you end up in this weird limbo where you're not really resting (because guilt), but you're also not being productive (because you're exhausted).

You're stuck in what I call "productive limbo" – too tired to work, too guilty to rest. This isn't laziness; it's your nervous system caught between competing demands.

What helps: Give yourself permission to truly rest without guilt. Rest is not earned; it's required. Schedule it like you would any other important appointment. Your productivity will actually improve when you stop fighting your need for downtime.

The Real Talk About Overwhelm vs. Laziness

Here's how to tell the difference: True laziness feels peaceful. You're content doing nothing, you're not stressed about it, and you don't have a running mental commentary about all the things you "should" be doing.

Overwhelm feels agitated. Even when you're "doing nothing," your mind is racing. You feel guilty, anxious, and frustrated with yourself. You want to do things, but something invisible is holding you back.

If you're beating yourself up for being "lazy," you're probably overwhelmed.

Your Gentle Action Plan

1. Start stupidly small. I mean embarrassingly small. Can't clean your room? Put one piece of clothing in the hamper. Can't write that email? Open your email app. Motion creates emotion.

2. Set boundaries with your calendar. Block out time for rest, for thinking, for transition between tasks. Your calendar shouldn't look like Tetris.

3. Practice the "good enough" rule. Done is better than perfect. Sent is better than unsent. Started is better than planned.

4. Get support. Talk to someone – a friend, family member, or professional. Overwhelm thrives in isolation and shame.

5. Be your own best friend. Talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone you love. You deserve the same kindness you give others.

One Last Thing

You are not lazy. You are not broken. You are not lacking in character or willpower. You are a human being navigating a world that often demands more than we have to give.

Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is rest. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is slow down. Sometimes taking care of yourself is the most important work you can do.

I see you trying. I see you caring. I see you being hard on yourself because you want to do better. That caring? That desire to improve? That's not what lazy people feel.

You're not lazy, honey. You're overwhelmed. And that's something we can work with.

Be gentle with yourself today. You're doing better than you think.

All my love, Your sister in solidarity ❤️

P.S. If this resonated with you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Sometimes we all need permission to be human.